i’ve been having a lot of earthquake dreams recently, had one again last night

they’re scary

i hate how often the sentiment ‘you’re doing your best’ shows up in internet ~soft~ self care affirmation etc culture i hate reading it bc it always prompts me to ask if i really can say that i am doing my best, if i’m really doing all that i could be doing to ensure that i’m happy and healthy?? and it’s always no so don’t say that shit to me

while it’s important to acknowledge that tokyo feels like a completely different place every time i come here,

the idea that i was literally talking earlier this WEEK about how i would be down to move to tokyo is INSANE to me given how much i hated being here this weekend (not everything was bad)


i just really do not think i could do it. not unless under some specific circumstances


kind of a good reminder that while yes where i live in the country isn’t good for my mental health, that doesn’t mean the city automatically would be


where the fuck WOULD be good for my mental health


asking myself why i’m living here is pretty much a daily thing now

i think maybe i’m just unnecessarily exhausting my patience and resilience by living somewhere that literally makes no sense

i have only ever lived in very car centric places but i have never driven so maybe i just don’t Get It but i have almost been hit 3 times like breaks screech, took a turn full on not looking, car centimeters away from my body,

and just now i was walking down a narrow road and a car literally smacked my elbow despite having plenty of room on the other side and i just wonder what it is about driving that requires you to shove your head so far up your asshole that you forget that you are literal inches away from murdering someone at any given time like someone help me understand

spending a big chunk of my 20’s in small towns in rural japan sometimes feels like a weird/bad choice i wonder how i’d feel if instagram stories didn’t exist slash if i’d stop watching them all the time

i just wanna go dancing

there was a guy younger than me on tv last night living in kyoto learning japanese cuisine his life was pretty glam i was like damn why can’t i be glam

everyone is like yeah but being out there is a great chance to improve yourself and grow

y’all i sleep so much


but like i live in a hotel now isn’t that crazy

if i made a blog about it i bet people would read it



also wow it’s december